Confidential
- Staff Eyes Only!
To: Boffer Staff
From: The Dragon
CC: Warehouse Staff
Date: November 15, 2008
Re: Boffer Sell Off - 16/11/2008
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Attention all Boffer Employees:-
As you are aware we are now reaching the final stages of preparation for
the next Boffer Sell Off, which will begin on Sunday 16th November
at 23:59. If you are new to the workforce please familiarise yourself
with the following:
- The deal-a-day concept will be cast aside
- We will sell one product after another
- A new deal will be offered as soon as the previous one sells out
For those of you who
have been with us since the beginning you will be aware that we have
all been working extremely hard to give the Sell Off it's now legendary
status, which leads me to the current issues.
1) We are all exhausted,
irritable, stressed and harassed.
2) We no longer have time to see our families and friends.
3) Oli's hands are cut to shreds from his chicken making activities
and I can't remember when we last had time to feed the ducks; play on
our Debut Orbiter 360 Degree Pool and Airhockey Table; or take time
out to pursue our new Extreme Ironing (EI) hobbies.
If this continues
our lives will no longer be our own and we'll become slaves to the Boffer
Members.
As we have already
lured the Members to join the website. The time has come to review our
objectives. We are the priority now and the Members must lose their
high expectations and be grateful for what they get. I expect total
compliance with the following new rules in each department:
IT Department
Take at least one of our servers' offline, just for fun- That should
make it interesting when they try and order a BOC.
Customer Service
File for those outstanding holidays. No, take those long overdue holidays.
Warehouse Staff
Previous checks concluded that 10% of our orders arrived; broken, dirty
or incomplete. Make sure this statistic increases to at least 45%.Make
sure you don't ship any orders for at least 5 working days. On time
delivery makes our clientele spoiled and argumentative. Let them learn
humility and gratitude while they wait.
Courier Staff
No new rules. Your service is currently appalling anyway- Well Done!!
Bag of Crap (BOC)
Packers
Hit the
field behind the Warehouse and collect some genuine 'crap'.
Marketing Department
Lauren I'm very impressed with you. Getting the members to do your job
for you and offering them a small incentive for their trouble. Very
clever!! Make sure we give the member
submitted Video's plenty of Airtime.
And most importantly
would someone go to the vault and collect the profits from the last
Sell Off and buy a big gold cage for the Boffer
chicken. There are concerns that now the chicken has featured in
so many movies it may be captured and held to ransom by a crazed Boffer
fan.
Staff, we must strive
to adhere to the above. If we succeed we may be able to throw off the
risk off Boffer Slavery and reclaim our lives.
Good Luck. See you
at twenty three fifty nine on Sunday.
Cheryl Hardwick
Managing Director.
www.boffer.co.uk
