Boffer News

BOFFER INTERNAL EMAIL

For the attention of all staff.

Attention Boffer employee -

We are now entering the final phase of preparations for the Sell Off planned for 11.59pm on Sunday. This is when we depart from our usual deal-a-day model and sell one product after another, offering a new deal as soon as the previous one sells out.

For some reason, Boffer'ers continue to have high expectations for this event. We must make every effort to ensure that they feel disappointed and betrayed.

Make it really hard for the boffer'ers to buy the really good deals or get free delivery. On the Maxell 2 gig pen drives for 99p ensure that they have twitter integration before they get free delivery. Will someone hide this link so they can't work out how to integrate twitter with their Boffer account? That should wind them up. In fact make this the first item in the sell as none of them will have thought of the twitter integration and they end up paying the £2.99 carriage instead of getting free delivery!!
Take at least one of our server's offline, for a giggle.
Go to the Skip and dig up some more Aigo players. If you see any 40 packs of Assorted Christmas cards (and you will), grab those, too
Neutralize all negative thinking among our members. We simply cannot tolerate any more posts like "Paddy surcharge" or "I'm only here for the bag of crap"." Is this the all nighter?" If electronic means like word filters and IP bans do not work, we must have the rapid-response teams on standby to physically eliminate all threats to our reputation. Stephen please let Minx, Onlyme23, Kathy, Bethanr and Markashbree be fully armed and ready for action at 11.59pm on Sunday.
The Boffer'ers will expect a bag of crap in this sell off. Oli go to the warehouse and find all random junk that we can't get rid of by any rational means. Find some bags to put it any kind of bags, colostomy bags, Asda carrier bags, Elephants Gonad sacks or even Cheryl's Prada hand bag and fill them up and get them ready. I'm already laughing all the way to the bank!
Finally, Last time, spot checks revealed that approximately 25% of products shipped are broken, incomplete, or excessively dirty. This is unacceptable. For this Sell Off, defective shipments must make up at least 40%.

Lauren x